You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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