i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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