Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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