I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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