I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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