just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
