All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
