is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
