she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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