We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
