i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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