I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
