Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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