We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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