Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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