I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
