38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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