Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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