A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize