you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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