She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
