There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
