One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
