It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
