I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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