all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
