sorry about calling you the devil all night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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