i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
