The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
