you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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