**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
