Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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