Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
