Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
