Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
