Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
