My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize