Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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