So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
