Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
