dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize