we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
