I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
kristin has been a bad kristin
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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