good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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