no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
