i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize