just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
