I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
