I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
