its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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