well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
