mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left an ass print on the piano.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
