Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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