omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
