I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
