Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
