So drunk its hurt
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
