my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize