Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
