first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
