Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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