My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am available for nakedness
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
