I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
