I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
soo... how was my night?
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