i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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