so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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