i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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