i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
