Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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