I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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