your thong is hanging out like whoa
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
