tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize