I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
