What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
