I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
