if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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