dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
